Chapter Text
ravi: i am going to kill someone with my mind
mark: parent issue? landlord woes?
divorced gay couple issue??
ravi: I am going to kill someone they’ve never going to give me a silver star
bea: they don’t give those to firefighters?
ravi: and they’re sure as hell not gonna give one to me. because i’m going to explode this guy with my mind
mark: how will they know it’s you?
ravi: because I will be taking credit
ravi: i'm gonna call my ex
ravi: that's unrelated
Gerrard spots the pin on his duffel after two days, and Buck enjoys the last few seconds of peace, before everyone’s eyes turn to them. “Buckley!” he says, and Buck straightens his spin in anticipation. “What the hell kind of nationality is that?”
“Bisexuality,” he says, and someone behind him laughs at the expression Gerrard makes.
“Take that sh*t off,” Gerrard demands. “Or I’ll remove it myself.”
“Sexual Orientation is a protected characteristic,” Buck says, because it is. “State law, which supersedes anything the fire department has. Which, the fire department also bans explicit discrimination, as I’m sure you know.”
Gerrard hesitates, and Buck refuses to find joy when he decides to disengage and leave.
“How the hell did that work?” Hen asks.
“A doctor was fired in northern California because he made one of his nurses remove a pride flag from her uniform, and a notice went out to employers in LA that Josh sent me. I made sure the same standard applied to firefighters. Which, we’re not allowed to wear pins at all. But personal items that stay here are free game.”
“I like it,” Eddie says, and holds his hand out. “I’m assuming you brought extras?”
“Of course,” Buck says, pleased that Eddie already knew phase two. “I brought all of the flags I could find. Hen, of course, you may have the lesbian one. Did you know I had to order this one separately? They were just going to give me the other three.”
She takes it with a dramatic bow, and Eddie leans around him to grab a rainbow flag, probably choosing the most obvious one to draw Gerrard’s attention. Ravi grabs a bisexual flag and taps it to Buck’s, and says cheers when he does it. A few more grab flags, and Chimney and Hen start an argument about which flag makes the most aesthetic sense next to his other pins.
Tommy Pilot: Why provoke your Captain? Seems a little juvenile, haha.
Read: 10:12 pm. Respond?
Eddie and Hen are alone in the bunks, and the only reason he knows she’s awake is because her breathing is not regular, the uneven pattern of someone attempting to pretend at sleep, the meditative in between. He only feels marginally bad at waking her, but he throws an abandoned flip flop at her anyway.
“Hen,” he whispers, when she refuses to acknowledge him. “Hen!”
“It is nearly midnight,” she whispers back. “Buck and Ravi are tormenting Chim, and nobody is causing chaos in the one sacred place in this hellhole. Bother them.”
“I need you to be honest with me,” Eddie says, and he hears Hen sigh, and shift to turn on one of the small lamps. She blinks, and slowly presses her glasses onto her face. “Am I in love with Buck? Is it that obvious?”
Hen freezes, and Eddie watches a film roll of emotions flicker through her face before she settles on caution, and he feels rightly vindicated. Good to know, he could pick up on her watching him. “I think that’s something you decide on your own,” she says, and he glances behind himself to make sure nobody had wandered in. “Are you questioning your sexuality?”
“Doesn't really matter what I am. I want to live inside his skin. He smiled at me and I felt my heart skip a beat, am I a cartoon bird now?”
“Uh,” Hen says.
“I think I’m stupid,” Eddie continues, and Hen nods in agreement. “I’ve spent years making him my family, sharing Chris, hating all of his exes, and wondering why no woman I dated measured up not only to my dead wife, but my alive partner that I was actively partnering! There was no space for a woman because Buck is actively my other half!”
“What brought this on?” Hen asks, and Eddie exhales sharply before digging his hands into his hair.
“He was at my house, in my bed with me because Chris called him when I was still half asleep, and Chris was willing to facetime me, so Buck woke me up to talk to him and we laid there together and I got to speak to my son for the first time in what feels like months! And Buck was there for me, wearing a pair of my sweats and comforting me in my bed and I wanted to put my hands on either side of his face and squeeze until his eyeballs popped out because he looked cute.”
“He was in your bed?” Hen asks. “Do you see that as platonic?”
“He gets in my bed all the f*cking time now,” Eddie says. “Just to chit chat,” he says, doing an awful impression of Buck. “More recently it's been to update me on Chris, since they talk while I'm asleep.”
“And because you're in bed, he joins you there,” Hen concludes.
“Ah, gay situationships,” Ravi says knowingly, and Eddie groans in frustration. Ravi has popcorn under one arm and his phone in the other, loudly chewing while he watches their conversation like it were a goddamn telenovela. Eddie might actually kill him, and nobody is going to find the body. “Congratulations on a universal queer struggle: getting way too close to your best friend.”
“I am going insane,” Eddie corrects. “I want Buck to never leave my house.”
“Lesbians get their first gay situationship by, like, fifteen,” Hen announces. Ravi nods in agreement, as if this were some agreed upon fact that a queer council had decided. “I thought I was going to marry a girl who wore a leather jacket that had taped starburst wrappers on it after we held hands once. I thought she was the next great American artist.”
“If I had to go through this at fifteen,” Eddie starts, and then he stops to think. Fifteen was not a good year for him. “I would have killed myself, probably,” he decides.
“Womp womp,” Ravi says, and turns to leave. “Deal with it, old man.”
“The f*ck,” Eddie says. “What does that mean?”
Ravi shrugs.
“Buck has a boyfriend,” Eddie stresses. “It’s not like I can do anything about this.”
“Eh,” Hen says, and makes a face that Eddie recognizes. It was one of the first faces he had learned to recognize from Hen, when he had asked why Buck was living at his ex’s apartment and Hen had to explain to him that Buck was not aware that he was living at an ex’s apartment
“Is he not happy?” Eddie asks, because he has Tommy’s address. He knows exactly where he lives. He knows that Tommy is dangerously allergic to shellfish and bees. He wonders if he could drop ship a few hundred bees to an apartment building and cross his fingers.
“Thin ice,” Hen says, instead of answering. “And Buck is in his ‘what’s wrong with me,’ frantically trying to refreeze the ice mode.”
“Because he assumes the issue is him mode?” Ravi chimes in, still chewing loudly on his popcorn.
“Exactly,” Hen says.
“Weren’t you leaving?” Eddie asks Ravi, who laughs again. “Is this funny for you?”
“You know, I thought you guys were divorced up until like a week ago,” Ravi says. “So yeah, this is funny for me.”
“I would never divorce Buck,” Eddie says firmly, because he would rather take a bullet again then get served divorce papers again. If he were lucky enough to get to marry Buck, Eddie would take that ring with him to the grave, and nothing would get him to ever take it off.
“Which I could tell,” Ravi reassures him, as if Eddie needs the reassurance that he would be a good partner to his partner. “I couldn’t figure out how you guys had a kid together and acted like that and were just dating random women. Or random pilots, I guess.”
Hen’s laughing now, trying to pretend like this isn’t the funniest thing she’s seen today. Eddie feels like he’s getting dissected. Doesn’t Buck hang out with these two, this trio forming of the out gay people? Does he enjoy being picked apart? The answer to that is yes, because Buck likes learning the intricacies of people, but he also likes knowing his loved ones want to know him in return.
“Do I need to get a flight license?” Eddie asks, because he doesn’t like the implication that Buck is only bisexual for pilots, he’s not sure if that’s a thing. “Or a pilot license, or whatever? Do you think he only wants to date guys that can fly planes?”
“Ask Buck,” Hen says, and turns the light off.
ravi: divorced gay two proudly announcing “i would never divorce him” TELL HIM THAT!!
ravi: also maybe date him first, freak
ravi: divorced gay two: ‘do i need to learn to fly a plane’ simply kiss him on the mouth i think he could fly a plane into a world trade center and divorced gay one would be like aww for me
mark: i can’t tell whos more insane
ravi: divorced gay two easy
bea: third option: ravi is the most insane for caring this much
ravi: you don’t understand i live in their pocket and they carry me around divorced gay one chased me around with a chainsaw once and then decided i was his little brother and now i can never quit this job theyll find me
mark: wait what go back to the chainsaw thing
Maddie drops Jee off at half past six with a whirlwind of toys and snacks and he hugs his sister before she leaves, and presses a kiss to the top of her head because he wants to. She is nearly always smiling when he sees her, grinning about Jee or Chim or her work friends or him or most importantly, herself. Buck looks at the card she sent him last Christmas when he's having a bad day, at the effortless joy his sister is exuding, at the fact that he knows Chim was just as excited to take a family photo to send out, at the way their hands are clasped together and Jee is laughing in the photo and he understands why Maddie kept everything he sent her. Why something as simple as a Christmas card can be a lifeline.
He loves being an uncle, because Jee is already shaping up to be an amazing child who cares with her entire being. She's funny, for a kid, and even with her limited vocabulary she uses her facial expression and body to make her points, and Buck leans into every bit she does.
For example: Jee likes to announce that she is not hungry, and Buck has to put his hands over his eyes, or look away. When he does, she continues to eat, and stops when he looks at her again. He thinks she learned this from a game of red light green light, or some version of peekaboo, but he plays along and sighs dramatically about everything, laughing with his niece when she tries to pretend that her mouth isn't stuffed with cut up cheese quesadillas.
He likes to pretend he can't see her sometimes, wandering around his loft and looking for Jee like she'd be at eye level. She runs after him squealing, whacking at his legs with her little toddler arms. Buck always finds her at the end, scoops her up and pretends like she is a major discovery, talking in the low drawl of a documentary voice over, and Jee just likes being held up high over his head.
They watch an older Barbie movie, with way too many sisters and ballerinas, and Jee is fascinated by the colors and sparkly music. Buck is just relieved she let him watch anything other than Paw Patrol, because he hated that stupid f*cking show.
Eddie asks him if he's free, and Buck sends back a selfie of Jee in response before putting his phone back down. Jee demands more Barbie when the movie ends, so Buck and her settle on one that features mermaids, and Buck quietly searches for dolls to add to his Christmas list for her. He wants Eddie to come over, because he otherwise would be alone in his house by himself. Eddie had been dumped by Marisol and seemed content to spend his summer single, and Buck refuses to look a gift horse in the mouth and just enjoys how much time he's able to spend with his partner.
The door clicks open when Jee has been washed and put into pajamas, she spots Eddie before he does.
“Eddie!” she says, and runs face first into his leg. He smiles when he picks her up, arm securely around her back as Jee melts into him, because Eddie has always been good with children.
“Hey, baby girl,” Buck starts, ready to tell Jee it's her bedtime, but instead both Eddie and Jee look at him expectantly. He flushes red.
“Oh,” Eddie says. “Of course you meant her. I think I misheard you. I thought you said my name.”
“Baby girl,” Jee repeats, because she's also eerily smart and has picked up on there being a potential bit. “Baby girl?” she asks this time, looking up at Eddie.
“You can both be baby girls,” Buck says, and feels like he metaphorically stuck his foot in his mouth because Eddie is raising an eyebrow, and because Jee likely has a new favorite word.
“Uh,” is the only thing Eddie says, and if Buck didn't know better he would say that Eddie is blushing, a pretty red flush creeping up his skin. But Eddie is probably just embarrassed.
“Sorry,” Buck says quickly, and he thinks he should take Jee back, but Eddie looks really good with a kid in his arms, and Jee already loves him, has her little fist twisted into his shirt.
“Buck, don't worry about it,” Eddie says, and he still looks red, and Buck can only hope he doesn't have a fever, but he knows Eddie would never risk Jee's health. “It's a pet name, I've always liked those.”
“Like a nickname,” Buck latches on. “You still don't have one.”
Eddie laughs, and Buck feels his own smile come out to match him, easy shared joy as Jee sleepily babbles into his chest. “That can't be my nickname,” he says instead.
“Come on baby girl, don't be like that,” Buck says, lowering his voice and sliding into Eddie's space to take Jee. Eddie's jaw drops and he lets him take his niece and when Buck glances back at him he still hasn't moved from his spot in the foyer.
He puts Jee to bed, tucking her in and pressing a kiss to her forehead, brushing a tuft on black hair back from her eyes. She looks nearly angelic in the low light of his loft, so Buck takes a picture to send to Maddie and Chimney. Neither respond, because they're on a date night and living in the moment, but Buck knows they'll heart the message when they see it, might even print it out for Jee's baby box.
Eddie bumps his shoulder and smiles at the picture and at the girl. “You're really good with her,” he says softly, and Buck smiles back, because Eddie tells him this nearly every time he sees him with Jee.
“You ever think about having more?” Eddie asks, and Buck leans into him, welcoming the warmth where their shoulders press.
“All the time,” Buck says immediately. “Okay, maybe not all of the time. But I want.”
“Yeah,” Eddie says. “Adriana and Sophia were so important to my childhood, important to who I was.” And Buck understands this, understands how being a sibling is being a part of something larger than yourself. “I want Christopher to have that.”
“He should,” Buck agrees, because he thinks Christopher would be an amazing big brother, would love and care for every kid Eddie brought back.
“I miss him so f*cking much,” Eddie says, and Buck hears the underlying sorrow, so he pushes Eddie away from his sleeping niece and towards his couch. He maneuvers them so Eddie can lean on him, because Eddie so rarely asks him for comfort, but Buck knows he craves physical touch as much as he does. Eddie leans into him fully, presses his face into his arm, and shudders. “I want my kid back.”
“Me too,” Buck says, and lets his face land in his hair, lets them melt down into the couch, and pretend that there isn't a child sized crater in their lives, that Christopher is simply with Carla or Hen, that he is in the other room. “He'll come back, I promise.”
ravi: one a scale of one to ten where does growing a mustache land on the kinsey scale
bea: the kinsey scale is a matrix
ravi: no fancy words give me answer
mark: how can a mustache be gay
ravi: its a gay self pity mustache. somehow. I discovered a new species
“Baby girl!” Buck says delightedly, cups the hot coffee in his hands. “Thanks.”
Eddie merely smiles, and continues on through to the kitchen.
Chimney frowns. “What did you just call him?”
“Baby girl,” Ravi inputs helpfully. “He said baby girl and Eddie smiled.”
“A baby girl is a beautiful toddler,” Chimney says, and Buck nods in agreement. “Not a grown ass man.”
“Hey, Eddie can be anything he wants to be,” Ravi says, and Buck would agree with him, but he doesn’t like the underlying tone in his voice, so he frowns instead of engaging.
“It’s ironic,” he says eventually, because he doesn't want to get into how it makes Eddie smile, an easy going real smile that surprises him. That there are increasingly less things that make Eddie laugh, and Buck is going to run this into the ground as long as it makes Eddie smile.
“Do you call your boyfriend a baby girl?” Chimney asks curiously.
“Why would I call Tommy a baby girl?” Buck asks.
“That would be your prerogative,” Chim says professionally. “Did you know Jee came home from your apartment calling everything baby girl? Did she get that from you?”
“Maybe,” Buck says, and refuses to elaborate.
“Where the f*ck is Anthony when I need him!” Eddie shouts from the kitchen, and slams a cabinet angrily. “Is this because I cut up a rosary once? I apologized for that!”
“Who the f*ck is Anthony?” Buck asks, and neither Chimney or Ravi offer him an explanation.
ravi: where do i buy rat poison in large quantities
mark: hey bud. how is your day going?
ravi: just had to hear divorced gay one call his not ex husband baby girl and then explain to me and karaoke bar coworker how that is normal bro behavior
bea: not everyone finds out they r gay age 12
mark: yeah not me i realized i was a boy kisser young
ravi: real. but some of us apparently have to wait until their THIRTIES and old and RAISING A CHILD together to realize they’re in a GAY RELARIONSHIP
mark: bff goals
ravi: do not even say that to me i legit think they’ve said that about each other
Buck and Maddie plan a double date of sorts, with Chimney and Tommy, and Buck thinks he has an epiphany when he realizes Chimney is entirely not excited. Mostly because he asks Hen three different times if her and Karen want to join, he asks Ravi and Eddie who both say no, and he gets an apology text from Albert, so Chimney must have asked him as well.
He had assumed Chimney was neutral on Tommy, and now he nearly has proof that Chimney doesn't. Nobody will admit anything to him, and Buck refuses to drag the issue out. Tommy is his boyfriend, and Buck can barely dump the women he dates, so he decides that it would be bad for his gay experience to stop dating the guy who helped him understand his sexuality. Like a puppy returned to the shelter in a cardboard box. So, he keeps dating Tommy.
Part of him wants Eddie there for moral support, but Eddie doesn't seem to want to intrude, and Eddie's not dating anyone right now and Buck prefers this, so he doesn’t press for Eddie to come to couples night because he doesn't want Eddie to end up in another relationship just to get an invite to couples night.
Game night is a sacred tradition, a bonding experience for Buck and Maddie going back to their youth, so Jee spends the night with a sitter and the four adults take over the table with an impressive spread of charcuterie and wine and thrifted board games. Maddie liked the random games she could find second hand, and both of them enjoyed the moments of chaos with a discontinued game or the moment they realized they were missing a crucial piece.
Tommy brings Cards Against Humanity, which Maddie takes gracefully and sets it behind the pile of other options.
They start with Coppit, which is somewhere between Sorry and a capture game, with a cool vintage feel because Maddie found a box from the 60s for his last birthday. Buck loves this one, because the instruction sheet is basically a historical relic that he reads every time they play. He takes red and Maddie takes green across from him, and Tommy and Chim both grab yellow and blue respectively based on their position on the board.
Chris always takes yellow when they play together, unless Henry is also there because then Henry wants yellow, and Chris lets him because Henry is the guest. Buck and Chris have played this specific game multiple times, one of the ones he keeps at the Diaz household next to the rest of their games.
Chimney quietly laughs at something while Buck is explaining a rule, and when the three of them turn to him, he holds his hands up in mock apology. “Just imagining you explaining a game to Gerrard.”
“Would it give him a heart attack?” Buck wonders aloud, thinking about a joke Ravi made. “Maybe if we switch the white and black for the rest of the rainbow. Gay Coppit.”
“Put him out of commission for us, oh Gay Coppit,” Chimney says, hands out in mock prayer as Maddie laughs, a high bright sound that makes him grin.
Tommy coughs awkwardly. “I know you guys don't like the man, but wishing his death might be a little much.”
“We’re joking,” Buck rushes to say. “Nothing but a hypothetical. Like a brain teaser.”
“Still,” Tommy says, incredulous that nobody is agreeing with him. “The man has a wife. People who love him.”
“An unsatisfied one, probably,” Chimney chimes in, and Buck is standing to high five him before he sees Tommy’s displeased look, but he lets it slide because Chimney is laughing, so Buck laughs with him.
Maddie gets them back in the game, because she was winning. She only lets the conversation move away from the game when she was losing, Buck knew this, but he obliges and pretends like he also cares about winning, so he can see her triumphant smile when she takes the last piece on the board.
Tommy takes an Uber back to his apartment earlier than Buck was expecting, citing an early shift the next day. Which is strange, because he thought he was off tomorrow. Anyways. Buck sinks into the couch with Maddies legs kicked out on him, nursing a glass of red while they make Chimney handle clean up.
“Tommy’s nice,” Maddie says, and the word nice sounds like something else.
“Yeah,” Buck says noncommittally.
Maddie squints at him, her big brown eyes suspicious. “Do you think Tommy’s nice?”
“He's my first boyfriend,” Buck says instead. “I feel like I fail at being gay if I can't get this to work, so we need to work.”
“You can't fail at being gay,” Maddie says, and struggles until she can get her arm out to reach him, moving her wine glass so she can scratch his head. Buck leans into his sister and closes his eyes, feeling like a kid again as she runs her fingers through his curls. “You can only be yourself. Do you want to be dating that guy?”
“Yeah,” Buck says eventually. “I think we could work out, I just need to try harder.”
Maddie doesn't say anything Immediately, but he can hear her audibly thinking. “You have a lot of love to give,” she settles on. “But Howie, god Evan, he's been so easy to love. We've been through so much together, stuff that was hard and awful and made me doubt in myself, but I never doubted that we loved each other. He's there to make me laugh and he's there to be my partner. Is that what you want with Tommy?”
“Something like that.” Buck slides down into the couch to give Maddie better access to his head, because he likes the glide of nails against his scalp. He turns her wording over in his head, stuck on the word partner. He had one of those, Eddie, someone who would be there for him at the end of the day. Tommy is just his boyfriend, and Buck doesn't need him to be anything more than that.
Buck grins when the call comes through, nearly dropping his phone in his haste sit down
“Are you guys,” Chris pauses. “Together?”
“Yeah, if that's okay with you?” Buck says, because he's honored to be someone Chris wants to talk to, because Eddie likes to hear his son's voice, but he's willing to draw a line if Chris is uncomfortable.
“Wait, really?” Chris asks.
“Buck means that we are physically both in the room,” Eddie says loudly. “Hey, buddy.”
“Hi dad,” Chris says, and he tries to sound like a bored teenager but Buck sees his face light up a little, like an eager puppy desperate to run home. And Buck and Eddie share a quiet smile, because Ramon and Helena may have him for now, but it was always going to be temporary, and Chris will come back to them, to Eddie.
“School starts soon,” Chris says, a leading hint in his voice.
“Sure does, are you excited?”
“Yeah, I want to see my friends again,” Chris says. “Should probably come back before my classes start so I can pick everything out.”
And Eddie, oh, Eddie physically perks up at that, his eyes widening and his entire body opening up, hands clenched to restrain himself from getting on camera because he doesn't want to intrude, but he looks so blindingly happy that Buck wants to cry.
“You wanna come home?” Eddie says, his voice so sappy and hopeful, and Buck watches as Chris rolls his eyes but flushes pink, because there is something mortifying to be a child and have your dad love you so openly. “Anytime bud, I'll come get you. Say the word.”
Buck moves to go sit by Eddie, nudging him over so Eddie can see his son. He watches as Eddie takes in the sight, barely a summer has passed but that is an infinite amount of time for a teenage boy, and Christopher looks a little older because of time spent apart.
“Hi,” Eddie says again, stupid with the overflowing love that he has for this kid, and Buck just smiles at the two of them, laughs when Chris laughs.
“You already said that,” Chris says.
“When do you want to come home?” Eddie asks. “I could be there tomorrow.”
“Give me a few weeks,” Chris says. “I need to warm them up to the idea. I don't think they want me to leave. Abuela is suggesting schools here that I could go to.”
“Uh,” Buck says, and Eddie fully takes the phone from him.
“I'll be there when you tell them. One week, or more? I’ll take off work and crash at your Tia’s and we’ll get you home, okay? It's not your job to convince them, I can do that. We can even spend a few days in Texas together before coming home.”
“Can we go on the lake? We've gone already but I'd rather go with you.”
“Yeah,” Eddie says, and Buck can hear the warning signs of tears. “We can go to the lake.”
ravi: you know what i want more than anything in the world?
mark: divorced gay one and two to figure their sh*t out?
bea: your father’s approval?
ravi: ok yes but. now i want our old f*ck of a captain to keel over and die first.
ravi: plus divorced gay one has to drop his hom*ophobe boyfriend. how did he pick a hom*ophobe gay
